i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
