Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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