Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
