i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
