I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
