his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We don't watch enough power rangers
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
