sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
