Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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