you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
