new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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