Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
