i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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