I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
