She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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