dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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