It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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