Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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