I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
