i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
