I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
