I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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