it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
