Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
