theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
