i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
