dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
