I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
