we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
