hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
