Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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