Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
