it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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