Cold hands, warm shart.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
