Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
