oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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