$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
