Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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