So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
