Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
