And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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