I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
