Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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