the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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