I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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