If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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