Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize