well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
