Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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