whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
