out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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