and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
