so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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