hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
