How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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