this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
