that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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