She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
