So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
