Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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