Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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