There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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