Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
