the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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