Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
