Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
from now on my penis is your penis
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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