she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize