i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
