you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
