Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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