just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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