apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
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I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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