I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
