But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
