Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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