Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
