I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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