Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
